I was feeling slightly against the new year. Partially because I didn’t feel like going out and celebrating due to an overload on my capacity to take so many parties in close succession. My Christmas party really burned me out and I had no desire to be around that many people again for a party. (We anti-social types can only take so much!) Turns out, I got sick anyway and New Years Eve was the crux of the misery, so I couldn’t go anywhere anyway. Instead, I finished up my scrapbook(!) and secretly did a few pages of my mom’s who was complaining about lack of inspiration. I thought it would be a nice surprise and be a good exchange for not being able to finish the week’s worth of housework due to the sickness as I had planned for her Christmas gift this year. Then I half fell asleep on the couch at around 10:30pm, thought I heard doors closing though I was home alone, went to put the dog in the garage so I could go to bed and noticed the door was unlocked and the light was on, which reminded me that I thought I heard a door closing earlier, freaked out that there was someone else in the house with me (knowing that new years eve was a good night for a robbery because everyone is out partying) and called my parents who said they’d come home but called again to say their car battery died and they’d be a little later, called my sis to ask if she left the light on and door unlocked, she said she probably did and to stop worrying and happy new year, wondered what was wrong with my dog who was only walking on three paws, (turns out she has buritis and needs $200 worth of medication each year, yikes!) and went to bed only to sleep two hours then lie awake for an hour and repeat the whole night long. I got a good power nap in the late morning to give me enough energy to go out and meet up with a friend and use some of my Christmas gift cards. So my New Years was not all that great. I felt kind of lame for wanting to be by myself and for not doing anything, but I can blame it on sickness.
I was having a poor attitude about going out so I kind of was not expecting the idea of a new year to be a pleasant one. I was slightly surprised. I have been feeling rather refreshed and excited about the possibilities. I wonder what God is going to do in my life this year. Definitely get me through a tough 18 unit semester this spring! But who knows what else? I’ve already had some promising occurrences such as unexpected contact with one of my mentorees and seeing her progress, being awarded a $500 scholarship just when I was starting to wonder how on earth I was going to get through the month on a tank of gas with driving to Santa Ana for work and Fullerton for school all week, a return of my hope of marriage someday in the distant future, a surprising realization that I have enough units to be in senior standing at CSUF, a new child to sponsor in Uganda, an email telling me it’s time to apply for my college graduation, and an additional friend that will be able to accompany me to Disneyland for my 21st birthday this year! What else will happen this year? I will hopefully get to start volunteering in the Fall with a program that works with elementary kids in teaching them to read and such, passing my CSET exam (hopefully), watching my sister graduate high school and go to SDSU in the Fall, performing my first song in church while I accompany myself on piano, and of course turning 21!
I have kind of a negative view on New Years Resolutions mainly because ever since I’ve heard about making resolutions on New Years I’ve simultaneously heard joking about how they get broken, so I never really saw the point. But, this year I’ve been feeling like there’s so many things that I want to change about how I’m living my life, and was thinking resolutions might be the way to go. Or maybe not. Resolutions sound so formal. I really just want to do my best to have a quiet time every day and get at least some exercise every day. So far, it’s going well. I discovered a website that has exercise videos. Very handy. I’ve been studying for the physical education part of the CSET and learning that 20 minutes of cardio-respiratory workout is needed to stay healthy. So, I found an intense cardio workout for myself. Considering I’m not athletic and don’t like running or jogging for that matter, it took me a few days to make it through the whole workout, but I did it! And I’ve been continually sore as a result. I need a really good massage. I’m also taking a dance class over intercession, so that’s helpful.
Onto other news, music has been challenging me lately. Specifically, Switchfoot The Beautiful Letdown has been inspiring me. Just look at these lyrics:
“this is your life, are you who you want to be?”
“we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?”
“i want more than just okay”
“the tension is here between who you are and who you could be”
And the lyrics to the songs “redemption” and “on fire” are very powerful. Half of the words I’ve never quite understood before until I looked them up today. Redemption is about going to Jesus who’s scars are bigger than any doubts I might have. (If that doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will!) Anyway, these songs have been giving me hope that I have so much potential and it makes me want to live up to that and not settle. Another song that I recently discovered is “Freedom” by Run Kid Run. I randomly discovered it on Air 1’s Top Songs of 2008. I relate to it so much. It starts out:
“Oh my chains,
I can’t disengage,
I don’t believe that I want to,
one hand sings your praise, the other brings me shame,
I have selfishness to blame…
And I’m singing for freedom,
I know I’m not the only one praying to the one,
who can bring me this freedom,
I’m ready for change”
I feel like it’s the exact thing that I struggle with. I’m bound by the chains of my own sinfulness and I desperately want freedom, yet it’s so hard to let go.
So, that’s me and my thoughts on the new year and music! Haha, I don’t know how else to close this blog….
