Many things happened this weekend but I wanted to share the two that stuck out the most.
1) We had a prayer send-out at church for those of us who are helping with the launch of a new church. I didn’t know this was happening on Sunday, I showed up for worship practice and we went through a couple songs before rushing over to the main service for Generation South O. Pastor Shawn brought us up front and asked some members of the congregation to come up and put a hand on each of us and pray for us as we are getting ready to embark on our launch of Generation North O. It didn’t really hit me that service, but after seeing my mom tear up during second service when Chris talked about how our whole congregation was going to go over and do that again, it hit me how big this really is. We went over and heard South O playing the same song we had just did. They sounded a little better….okay a lot better. We’re just beginning and still have quite a few kinks to sort out before we are up to their level. I will confess that it really hurt me to hear them. I am proud enough that I want to sound good when I sing on the worship team. I feel kind of stuck sometimes because South O doesn’t have room for me, and so many people have told me how much of a difference it makes when I’m there at North O. They seem to depend on me and it’s frustrating because we hit wrong notes, we play in the wrong key, we don’t cut out when we’re supposed to, etc. Those things don’t sound good. It’s humbling for sure, and it’s probably why God put me here to deal with my pride about wanting to sound good. But it hurts. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t always sound off. We’ve done some songs very nicely. It’s just a beginning group and going from settings where people do music for a living, and play in bands, and record and write songs, and change things instrumentally to add new textures, and play songs that I feel are more current, it makes things a little different. Anyway, that happened when I walked in. Then we went up after Shawn talked about how we’re heroes for leaving what’s familiar and going out on this new step of faith. That’s when I cried. I’m leaving the church home I’ve known for 9 years of my life. I’m leaving the place where I was challenged and encouraged to take my faith to the level that it is at right now. The place that convinced me to rededicate my life to Christ. I’ve watched growth and change take place. I met the most amazing worship leader that pushed me and helped me along to be confident and lead others. And I’m going to a place I don’t really want to go. I’m going with people I don’t really know. I felt like a lost little sheep stuck in her pride. It hurt. God has put me here for a reason though. We’ll see what it is. Maybe my pride will vanish and I will be moved to be the woman that God wants me to be because of it.
2) I went to EV Free’s college group last night. I have determined to get plugged in and connected with a church while I’m up here. So I went to The Paradigm Shift. It was a lot smaller than I anticipated for such a big church. I have social anxiety so I almost sat in my car for a while so I could walk in late and not have time to talk to anybody. But I didn’t. I went inside even though there weren’t many cars and people probably already were talking to the people they knew. I sat by myself, but the college pastor came over and introduced himself and found out where I went to school and what year I was. He pointed out some other Cal State seniors and asked 4 different girls if he could introduce them to me. That was so helpful. I met Kim, Ashley, Ashley, and Ashley. Haha. Easy to remember them. Two of the three Ashley’s were studying Child Development and Liberal Studies. So we talked for a while about that. One of them asked if she could sit with me. I filled out a welcome card and checked off that I wanted to get more involved and that I wanted to join a small group. After checking off getting more involved I started second guessing it. But it was in pen and there was nothing I could do about it. So it is what it is. God will have to take care of the rest and help me out. I really enjoyed the group. I was home by 9 which was nice not to be out so late on a school night. The talk was good, the worship was good. There were songs I didn’t know but they were simple enough to pick up on. I felt satisfied after going. It was a good experience.
Okay, gotta run off to my cycling class now. Hope you’re all having a great week!
1 Comment
August 31, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Thanks for sharing. That was good. I teared up a couple of times reading that, mostly happy tears–how you want to grow and be humble, how you step out of your comfort zone. I’m glad it went well last night.